Perfectly lonely?... well, yeah. maybe. Cause I know I lost the only person I ever loved. The one person I was madly in love with, turns out never existed. He was a phony, you could say. Or... let's not be unfair, maybe he wanted to believe he felt about me as i felt about him. And isn't it ironic? the one person who was able to get me to fall for him the moment he took my hand for the first time, was just as able to push me away and stop me from feeling anything, not only for him, but for everyone else, the moment he stared back at me with those loveless eyes. At first i've to admit i was delighted, now i wouldn't have to fix my heart, for it was not going to be vulnerable, it wasn't gonna be broken again. I was thrilled with the idea of not feeling anything anymore, then I got scared... what will happen if i don't ever love again? If the love I had for him, was all the love I was capable of handling, and just threw it away without knowing it would be a definite move? It was a feeling I couldn't bear... and now? well.. it depends on the day, mostly i'm indiferent. I don't really want to give it much thought. And some other times, times as today, I just get sad. Hollidays alone are kind of sad.

It is all so unreal, so blurry... so far, I'm even doubting it existed