I just want out... out of his life

me: why am i so hurt? how could I possibly let someone so in?

my best friend: love, dear is not a matter of choice

me: my mistake. And why did i choose to love him when I knew I was playing with fire?

my best friend: Because fire is so bright it blinds, and it makes us forget it's dangerous too.

p.s: if you read this, i love you princess. thanks for supporting me and being besides me everytime i need you to, everytime i cry...

It's funny, cause the harder I try to hold on, the faster he slips through my fingers and the easier it gets to me. Today, after thinking it through I just realized that it'll hurt as long as I want it to. I let him in, so naturally I'll let him out. And it is not a matter of time, cause we all know you can not forget someone you loved in 1 week or 2. Not when you want to pull him off your heart from the root. As long as the day arrives when I wake up and he's not the first person I think of, and i know it will, the time it takes won't matter. I know everything will be okay

amazing. how the pieces of my broken heart still ache

Two days ago, I crashed my car and he popped into my mind. Of all the persons that I care of, I wanted his comfort. Why is that so? Why when we're dead? I guess in the end, he's always the one who's wandering in my head. After so much time, it's still that way. I want to be able to forget, for I'd like not to be thinking always of his name. was it even worth it? out of a year, the time I really enjoyed was not more than 3 months. I'll just try and forget, though I'm not willing yet, but I'm hopeful I'll be one day. And when that day comes, I'll be ready to love again.

My kiss in the rain

It rained today, it is actually raining as I type. Why does rain in here has to be so unpredictable, as well as my thoughts are?... as his changing mind is too. It confuses me... the power he has over me. Not only does it confuse me, it scares me to the point of desperation. As the sound of rain continued to fill my thoughts, I couldn't help it, I couldn't get rid of that flashback, a clear image of the past, of the life I didn't want to give up on. A perfect day. It was as if I were there again, living through that moment. I could even feel the water down my hair and past my body. I could smell him again, I felt his hair in my hands again and his body pressing against mine. This mental picture... why does it has to be so sharp and so painful to watch? I even tasted his lips, once again. I find it really hard, and scary getting to know someone so deeply, and letting them get to you even deeper. So many memories created between us two, how will i ever get rid of them? eventhough they might've been good, I don't want them, for I can not bare remembering them, living through them. I want to let them loose, to give them away, and watch them dissappear as I let go. It is hardly possible, though, when every song, every movie, even the weather reminds you of such pain, of every inside joke. I'm just wishing right now I could forget of that kiss. Our kiss. The one in the rain

Still

I still believe there's going to be a day when he comes home, flowers in his hand .. telling me he wants me back. Idiotically Hopeful, I'd say. Not in three months has he come, not yesterday, not tomorrow he will, not ever. I find my hope and expectations in humanity quite deceiving, for they have never been fullfilled, and will hardly be. I'd rather not expect anything from anyone, in order for someone to surprise me, even amaze me someday.

My thoughts

After 10 months of loving him (even though he wouldn’t love me back), he finally says it. I love you, I want to be in a relationship with you. I gave him everything I had… well, not everything, but almost. What does he do? He says he can not be in a relationship, not now… he’s too busy for me. What do I do? I play it cool, wait til’ I get home and cry for weeks… when was the last time I cried? Yesterday. It’s been 3 months already, and the last time we fought, what does he tell me? There’s nothing left between us, I only call you cause I got used to it (a.k.a do not feel important) he says he only calls me cause he wants someone for the night. Is that who I am? Is that how he sees me? A one night stand… Am I a meaningless kiss? A meaningless hug? a meaningless stare? Cause I actually thought I was more than that. I gave him all of my love. And I don’t think he’ll ever find someone that loves him as much as I did. It’s been three months and I can not get over him. How much time does a heart needs to heal? Can someone answer that question? Am I ever going to find out someone who makes it right? Someone to put my heart together again?

If you're sorry

“Im sorry” is all I heard that night.
You say you want to know what I’d like from you
And do you want an answer?
Well forgive me if I don’t tell you what you want to hear
And forgive me if I try to speak, and fail, but there are tears in my voice.

And I Wasted all these kisses,
They were all headed to your ego
And I wasted all of this time
I hope you understand that
I’m looking for something else

I sometimes tell a lie or two, but you
It’s all I hear from you and
How come all this time you’ve been pretending
And I, I believed your bluff. All that came out from that beautiful smile
You know, Taking advantage of a girl’s heart is not the right thing to do

You say you want to know what I’d like from you
And do you want an answer?
And what if I told you I want your heart?
Would you give it to me?

And you think you can tell me I’m beautiful, so I can let you kiss me
And you might think that If you ask me out, I’ll die, that I’ll melt in your eyes
And that if you treat me well one night or two, I’ll make it up to you
But no, no

And I Wasted all these kisses,
They were all headed to your ego
And I wasted all of this time
I hope you understand that
I’m looking for something else

Well I’m sorry, I don’t kiss good liars.
If you’re sorry, well just go away.

It's too late

Everything i wanted, was it a lot to ask?
I lost myself in the attempt to make you mine
And I know I dream of the day you give a cry
Cause I’ve done that enough
Was it all just a lie?

You said you’d never hurt my feelings.
Well, never say never… cause guess what?
It’s too late, It’s too late

Is that your way to treat a girl?
Cause man, you surely have to learn
That not all the world revolves around you,
Not all the world revolves around you.

You said you’d never hurt my feelings.
Well, never say never… cause guess what?
You did, you did it.

And all those plans, all the things I wanted for us
And I’ll never forget the day I discovered “us” would never exist.
And I can’t vanish the pain when I discovered “us” was just in my head
You said this is not about winning or losing.
Well I lost, and all I’m left with are just “what ifs”.

Not all the world revolves around you.
Only I do

And who do you think about before you sleep?
I know I think of you
It’s too late… It’s too late